Saturday, June 23, 2007

Thank you

Thanks for all the words of support. I have been doing well, actually - it's Saturday night, which means it's been four days without a cigarette and it's gotten easier. Actually, I can't quite remember what night it was that I had my last, but since I only smoked a few days, I'm sticking with my original quit date (1/5/05, the day I found out I was pregnant) and calling this a relapse. I still have a low flash point on my temper, but it's mostly aimed at DH. He got an inkling early on that I was quitting (I didn't tell him) and has spent most of his free time in the garage tinkering with his Harley. The first night, when we were about to argue about dinner, he asked me with exasperation, "FINE, what do YOU want?" I thought about it a minute and said, "I want you to go away for a while." He did, and after I got over the irritation that he didn't ask me what was wrong (I never said my brain made sense) I knitted all night and enjoyed myself thoroughly. The temper is getting better, and tomorrow I might actually go out in the back yard for a cup of coffee.
I am chugging along on Swallowtail - 11 body repeats down, three to go. I also started the heel of the first Hogwarts sock (must knit faster on that one) and swatched for my mystery stole, which starts next Friday. Here 'tis - yarn color is fairly accurate on this, although the beads are the same color as the yarn when you look at them directly. (They change to that pretty teal when viewed at an angle - I dunno what that effect is called, but I like it.)

Crappy crappy swatch.

I did a terrible job on the swatch (20 rows, 35 stitches, and at least three unfixed mistakes. Oy.) but I don't care - I like the fabric it made, and I practiced with the beads, and that's the whole point of swatching for an item that has no required finished size. This is my first laceweight project (though not first lace, obviously) and I'm wondering about the sanity of the person who invented laceweight. It's like how the Japanese as a culture are constantly inventing or creating ever-tinier things. It'll kill me, sooner or later.

In the meantime, I'm going to wander off with my aches and pains, projectile phlegm, hacking cough (isn't that supposed to go away when you quit smoking?), infected tastebuds and bad attitude, all indications that my body is pissed at me for poisoning it again, and leave you with these quotes from Nic. (What, so I named the nicotine voice in my head, and it's not creative. Shut up or I'll have to kill something.)

  • I can't believe he is going to the garage and didn't ask about my mood. I should go have a cigarette.

  • I can't wait until I'm not addicted anymore and then I can go have a cigarette.

  • I lost three pounds and ate chocolate every day. I should totally keep smoking until I'm at goal. (That one almost got me, I admit.)

  • (My fave) Five days isn't really addicted. No one will be impressed about quitting after five days. I should smoke longer so it will be cooler when I quit.*

The reason I quit in the first place.

*I never said I was smart, or that Nic made sense.