Thursday, September 04, 2008

Some observations.

If you have to go to city court, all the world's unwashed masses will be there, and they will sit by you.
If you have to go to city court, you should go early in the morning, in the hope that said unwashed masses will not have dragged their overhung arses out of bed and marinated in that cheap cologne yet. If you wait until after lunch, may God have mercy on your soul.
Thank FSM, Hestia and Cthulhu for remembering to stash your knitting in your bag before heading to city court after lunch.
Thank every other deity out there that you do not work at city court and have to listen to all those sob stories all freaking day long.
The time it takes for them to call numbers I916 through I957 (not to mention the As, Cs, Ds, and Fs) will allow you to turn a whole heel and knit one Monkey repeat. Even if you are a slow knitter and stop to admire the yarn each row.
Just because you *call* them formal shorts doesn't mean I won't ridicule you for wearing them with heels or pretending they're work-wear.
The pleasantly warm feeling you get when you leave the icy building and step out into a warm September afternoon dissipates quickly when you parked too far from the court building and have to walk through the scary part of downtown where there is too much concrete and no shade to speak of.
Toll House Brownie cookie sandwiches with mint ice cream are pretty durn tasty.
Toe-up gussets, Wendy-style, mean you don't have to alternate which rows start with a slipped stitch to get eye of partridge when you turn the heel. If you do this, you will end up with a standard slip-stitch heel pattern, which, while lovely, was not what you were going for.
Some people will be too lazy to rip it out and will pretend it was done intentionally.
People who do not like teenages as a rule are probably best served by avoiding the 7-11 near the bus-stop near the local high school at 2:45 in the afternoon.
People do not like others in their personal space might consider letting the teenagers pay for their drinks first when they're standing behind you cussing about the bus trundling up the street.
It's also probably best to avoid striking them. There are more of them than there are of you, and they are younger.
The fact that Blogger spell check recognizes Hestia but not Cthulhu may surprise you.
One of life's little pleasures is walking on a recently-mopped, cool tile floor barefoot.
Waiting for a box of yarn is like waiting for Christmas.
USPS's online ordering system is fan-freaking-tastic. Use it for your holiday shipping and suddenly you will love the post office, instead of passing it with dread each day your packages go unmailed because you do not have the intestinal fortitude to stand in that line with all the other lost souls. (Bonus - when they ship you your stamps, you get a nice email telling you they were "carefully packaged".)
When the bank sends you the signed purchase agreement on the new house in another state, you might be surprised that your reaction falls more along the lines of "Oh God I gotta pack" than "YAY!".
For all my tough talk and swagger about not giving a shit what others think, there are still a few people who can shut me down and make me feel like a shy, nerdy, awkward 7th-grade shadow of myself in 10 words or less.