You were a sweet old beast.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Monday, April 05, 2010
UPDATES, yo.
Those of you who wonder where the hell LeeAnn went, and why she never updates her blog anymore? Fix your feeds, y'all, they done broke. (And if you did not sub to her before, why the hell not?)
Fuzzy Logic.
Psst. Tell your friends.
Fuzzy Logic.
Psst. Tell your friends.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
An ode to my body, inspired by Twink
Warning. Extensive navel-gazing ahead. I mean it. Really. Read on at your own risk.
Someone told me the other day about the struggles her daughter was having about hitting puberty, and I started thinking about my own struggles at that age. How I felt like I didn't fit in because I wasn't blonde, tan, thin and pretty. How much fun I avoided so I wouldn't have to be seen in a bathing suit in front of the senior guys on the swim team. How much time and angst and emotion I spent by sitting in front of the mirror lamenting zits or freckles or how my mall bangs weren't tall enough or how I was too fat for Guess jeans.
What a waste.
I am 36 years old. I am not perfect. I am shorter than I'd like, chubbier than I'd like. Wrinkly. Freckly. Dry and oily at the same time. (Damn you, t-zone.) My knees hurt, my belly jiggles, I don't floss.
I don't really care.
My feet and legs carry me down the street, up the hiking trail, running around the park. My ears hear all the music I love, and my throat and mouth and lips and tongue belt it back out again, with varying degrees of success. (Bug says, "No Mama, I don't want any singing today" or "Please say that louder Mama, I like it") My eyes caress the people I love. They fill up and overflow with love, with anger, with sadness and with more happiness than I thought was possible. I carried two babies in this body. I carry them still. My arms can't do many pushups, but they hold my son when he's waking up in the morning and snuggling in my lap. They hug the friends who are having a bad day. My hands are rough because they help me climb the slide with the baby, and they cook dinner, and they make sweaters and scarves for kids who don't have other hands knitting for them. I write highly technical documentation with this brain. I make seriously low-class innuendos with the same organ. I like rhinestones and glitter but I hate pink. I straddle the Virgin/Whore paradox without much thought because, really, who cares? I don't fit in, I am not fashionable, I am not perfect. Never will be. But I am me, and life is good.
Love you, Twink.
Someone told me the other day about the struggles her daughter was having about hitting puberty, and I started thinking about my own struggles at that age. How I felt like I didn't fit in because I wasn't blonde, tan, thin and pretty. How much fun I avoided so I wouldn't have to be seen in a bathing suit in front of the senior guys on the swim team. How much time and angst and emotion I spent by sitting in front of the mirror lamenting zits or freckles or how my mall bangs weren't tall enough or how I was too fat for Guess jeans.
What a waste.
I am 36 years old. I am not perfect. I am shorter than I'd like, chubbier than I'd like. Wrinkly. Freckly. Dry and oily at the same time. (Damn you, t-zone.) My knees hurt, my belly jiggles, I don't floss.
I don't really care.
My feet and legs carry me down the street, up the hiking trail, running around the park. My ears hear all the music I love, and my throat and mouth and lips and tongue belt it back out again, with varying degrees of success. (Bug says, "No Mama, I don't want any singing today" or "Please say that louder Mama, I like it") My eyes caress the people I love. They fill up and overflow with love, with anger, with sadness and with more happiness than I thought was possible. I carried two babies in this body. I carry them still. My arms can't do many pushups, but they hold my son when he's waking up in the morning and snuggling in my lap. They hug the friends who are having a bad day. My hands are rough because they help me climb the slide with the baby, and they cook dinner, and they make sweaters and scarves for kids who don't have other hands knitting for them. I write highly technical documentation with this brain. I make seriously low-class innuendos with the same organ. I like rhinestones and glitter but I hate pink. I straddle the Virgin/Whore paradox without much thought because, really, who cares? I don't fit in, I am not fashionable, I am not perfect. Never will be. But I am me, and life is good.
Love you, Twink.
Friday, March 19, 2010
A remedy for yesterday, plus Eye Candy
A big longer than yesterday's video, but OH. SO. WORTH. IT.
(provided to me by Cindy)
(ETA: apparently the comments aren't working right. if you feel inclined to comment and can't, lemme know and I will bug the ID people more...)
(provided to me by Cindy)
(ETA: apparently the comments aren't working right. if you feel inclined to comment and can't, lemme know and I will bug the ID people more...)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
What a day!
I have been having a lovely couple of days. And really, I think they'll only get better. TODAY, however, you must please to be going to my beloved VUBOQ's place and wish him a happy DAMN YOU LOOK GOOD 40th birthday!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
It's warm again
I have been playing outside. (Tried to start cutting on that tree, but my neighbor came over to help and ended up knocking the chain off. Still trying to find the repair manual... Sigh.)
So I have some photos to warm up Joan, and LeeAnn, and Nora and Angie and Peter and whoever else lives someplace with actual winter. (You guys can return the favor this summer when even the snakes and lizards are wondering WTF they're doing living in this hellhole...)
As always, click to embiggen, should you so desire.
So I have some photos to warm up Joan, and LeeAnn, and Nora and Angie and Peter and whoever else lives someplace with actual winter. (You guys can return the favor this summer when even the snakes and lizards are wondering WTF they're doing living in this hellhole...)
As always, click to embiggen, should you so desire.
Monday, March 08, 2010
I choose to see the bright side
Like, Yay, I didn't actually get around to buying firewood last week, and also, wow, think how much sunlight the garden will get NOW!
Oooh, another one - Carrie's yard, now with 50% less pollen!
Shockingly bad (unedited, ha) photos due to poor lighting, poor camera, poor photography skills...
This one is still shockingly bad, but at least I brightened it up a bit, so you could better see the carnage...
No one hurt and no damage to the house, the wall, the dog run, or even the electrical lines, thank Bob. Though I did spend the next two hours wishing the other tree would fall on the house (going so far as to mentally tell the tree the best spot to fall to maximize damage without actually hurting either my family, my sewing machines or my stash) so as to render mortgage woes moot...
For next time, I have some photos to warm up Joan and the rest of you northern popsicle types, but for now, the rain wins out.
Oooh, another one - Carrie's yard, now with 50% less pollen!
Shockingly bad (unedited, ha) photos due to poor lighting, poor camera, poor photography skills...
This one is still shockingly bad, but at least I brightened it up a bit, so you could better see the carnage...
No one hurt and no damage to the house, the wall, the dog run, or even the electrical lines, thank Bob. Though I did spend the next two hours wishing the other tree would fall on the house (going so far as to mentally tell the tree the best spot to fall to maximize damage without actually hurting either my family, my sewing machines or my stash) so as to render mortgage woes moot...
For next time, I have some photos to warm up Joan and the rest of you northern popsicle types, but for now, the rain wins out.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
March on.
So, apparently since so many people found it necessary to tell me to be easy on myself, I sounded whinier than I'd intended last post. I wasn't really trying to whine, I swear it. I actually dunno what I was doing. Suffering from logorrhea? Trying to put Spring Fever into words? Trying to make my instant-gratification-wanting self sound grown up about the tantrum I wanted to have? WHINING, perhaps?
Sigh.
Anyway, this week things have been more On than Off. More sunlight and a few beautiful days here and there have gone a long way toward making me feel better, AND I finally sucked it up and did some of the yucky chores I didn't want to do. Still working on the IRS and the mortgage people, but as long as I'm not moving backwards I'm okay.
I did NOT finish my Olympic knitting, with which I am also okay. I did make surprisingly good progress given how little tolerance the Bug developed for the same two bloody commercials ad nauseum (yeah, okay, it was me - he was a fan of Ice Dancing and all the skiing crashes. He thinks crashing was their intent when they flung themselves down the hill at high speed with nothing but slippery sticks on their feet. I can't quite figure out where he got that idea...) I did remember how to fit a little knitting into my days, and how much happier I am when I do that. And I made progress, yo.
Horrible photo, but we've come to expect that here, no? As it turns out, the focus is way better once you turn off the macro setting. o.0
And here, and artsy silly shot, because my phone camera has a macro setting. (SIGH.)
I had hoped to get some photos of warm, but alas, my weekend looked like this.
I do love the rain, but I don't know what to make of the fact that for the last few weeks, the workdays have been sunny, mid 70s, and the weekends have been cold and rainy. Seems particularly cruel, given that we are nearing the end of our out-door season here in Satan's Blast Furnace.
Sigh.
Anyway, this week things have been more On than Off. More sunlight and a few beautiful days here and there have gone a long way toward making me feel better, AND I finally sucked it up and did some of the yucky chores I didn't want to do. Still working on the IRS and the mortgage people, but as long as I'm not moving backwards I'm okay.
I did NOT finish my Olympic knitting, with which I am also okay. I did make surprisingly good progress given how little tolerance the Bug developed for the same two bloody commercials ad nauseum (yeah, okay, it was me - he was a fan of Ice Dancing and all the skiing crashes. He thinks crashing was their intent when they flung themselves down the hill at high speed with nothing but slippery sticks on their feet. I can't quite figure out where he got that idea...) I did remember how to fit a little knitting into my days, and how much happier I am when I do that. And I made progress, yo.
And here, and artsy silly shot, because my phone camera has a macro setting. (SIGH.)
I had hoped to get some photos of warm, but alas, my weekend looked like this.
I do love the rain, but I don't know what to make of the fact that for the last few weeks, the workdays have been sunny, mid 70s, and the weekends have been cold and rainy. Seems particularly cruel, given that we are nearing the end of our out-door season here in Satan's Blast Furnace.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Damn.
That's all I can think of for a title. The last few weeks have been... off. I know you know what I mean - nothing's terribly wrong, but everything takes longer than it should, is harder to do than it should be, and I continue to fall behind. Then I collapse in a heap on the weekend and get even FURTHER behind. It doesn't help that the stuff that's looming over my head is the BIG STUFF. Finishing up dealing with the death stuff is the big ugly right now; mostly taxes and mortgage. I think it's an obvious understatement when I say that the two entities involved don't really give a fig about my personal loss or our family's collective failure to plan for a rainy day. (Additional information: what century is this? The IRS isn't even allowed to give me a fax number until I MAIL them a request in writing for the information I need. I think they go out of their way to find useless people, or maybe just to make useless policies. Soon they'll outsource THEIR customer "service" to a call center in India too. Irate much? Who, me?)
On days like these, sometimes you need purple pancakes. (Yeah, all my photos are for crap. Sue me.)
Or a beautiful sunset.
Or a goofy kid modeling the lastest in Spiderman .
(As a side note: don't you love the way a kid smiles with his whole body? You can only see one eye but you know he's grinning from ear to ear.)
What else makes me happy these days? Hmm, well, it ain't this:
It *might* be this:
For those who don't know/care, that is nearly four pounds of my beloved Sage, last seen looking like this. I sent her off to Spinderella's, and they washed her again and carded her up, and damned if I don't want to dump out that bag and roll around nekkid in her. I won't, though - I have big plans for my lady and we can't be matting her up again.
Big plans. I think that might be part of my general malaise these days. Spring is here, as Cookie is so crabby about, and I feel like things need to be happening. You know what I mean? It's the same restless feeling I get in the fall. I feel like it's downright primal sometimes - the need to Get Moving, to Do Big Things, to fix it all at once. Early spring and late fall aren't times for baby steps, but that's all I'm capable of right now. I have set some things in motion and I want to see them come to fruition NOW. Today. Not next fall, not later, but Right This Very Minute. Whatever zen I had going on before has been replaced by a petulant child with the gimmes. It's a problem. I'm working on it.
And now for something Completely Different. I have an office phone. My boss ordered it. He apparently didn't specify that it needed to work, because no one bothered to put a phone jack in my cube - they just left the phone on the desk, with the disconnected cable. But I betcha they closed that work order...
On days like these, sometimes you need purple pancakes. (Yeah, all my photos are for crap. Sue me.)
Or a beautiful sunset.
Or a goofy kid modeling the lastest in Spiderman .
(As a side note: don't you love the way a kid smiles with his whole body? You can only see one eye but you know he's grinning from ear to ear.)
What else makes me happy these days? Hmm, well, it ain't this:
It *might* be this:
For those who don't know/care, that is nearly four pounds of my beloved Sage, last seen looking like this. I sent her off to Spinderella's, and they washed her again and carded her up, and damned if I don't want to dump out that bag and roll around nekkid in her. I won't, though - I have big plans for my lady and we can't be matting her up again.
Big plans. I think that might be part of my general malaise these days. Spring is here, as Cookie is so crabby about, and I feel like things need to be happening. You know what I mean? It's the same restless feeling I get in the fall. I feel like it's downright primal sometimes - the need to Get Moving, to Do Big Things, to fix it all at once. Early spring and late fall aren't times for baby steps, but that's all I'm capable of right now. I have set some things in motion and I want to see them come to fruition NOW. Today. Not next fall, not later, but Right This Very Minute. Whatever zen I had going on before has been replaced by a petulant child with the gimmes. It's a problem. I'm working on it.
And now for something Completely Different. I have an office phone. My boss ordered it. He apparently didn't specify that it needed to work, because no one bothered to put a phone jack in my cube - they just left the phone on the desk, with the disconnected cable. But I betcha they closed that work order...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Feelin' hothothot
And it's only February.
Which means it's time to post pictures of the weather, which is our reward for living in hell for 9 months out of the year.
Taken today:
Flowering pear (I think):
Apropos of nothing, one of my Firefox tabs is showing Jessalu's blog, with the title of the post being Epic. I keep seeing it out of the corner of my eye and reading "Epic Jesus".
And that is your random for the day. I have lovely pictures of Sabino Canyon from Sunday, beautiful water and warm sun and happy children, but I can find the battery charger for my camera and the computer cable for Rick's. And while the cards are interchangeable, those other things are not. Drat. They are stuck there forever. I am also working on B-Side for my Olympic project in the WIP finishing category. I think I have put on about 3 inches, which doesn't sound like much until you realize each inch is roughly 2400 stitches. I have four soul crushing rows before I divide for the armscyes and as FSM as my witness, I shall finish those four tonight.
Which means it's time to post pictures of the weather, which is our reward for living in hell for 9 months out of the year.
Taken today:
Flowering pear (I think):
Apropos of nothing, one of my Firefox tabs is showing Jessalu's blog, with the title of the post being Epic. I keep seeing it out of the corner of my eye and reading "Epic Jesus".
And that is your random for the day. I have lovely pictures of Sabino Canyon from Sunday, beautiful water and warm sun and happy children, but I can find the battery charger for my camera and the computer cable for Rick's. And while the cards are interchangeable, those other things are not. Drat. They are stuck there forever. I am also working on B-Side for my Olympic project in the WIP finishing category. I think I have put on about 3 inches, which doesn't sound like much until you realize each inch is roughly 2400 stitches. I have four soul crushing rows before I divide for the armscyes and as FSM as my witness, I shall finish those four tonight.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Lene made me
Okay, she didn't really, but the one she posted reminded me of this. Not the same sentiment, but parts of the same whole.
I am standing upon that foreshore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails in the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!" "Gone where?" "Gone from my sight, that's all." She is just as large in mast and spar and hull as ever she was when she left my side; just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
(Attributed to Victor Hugo, among others. See discussion of origins here.)
I am standing upon that foreshore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails in the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!" "Gone where?" "Gone from my sight, that's all." She is just as large in mast and spar and hull as ever she was when she left my side; just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
(Attributed to Victor Hugo, among others. See discussion of origins here.)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I suppose it's about damn time
Soon it will be time to start Warming Joan. (And apparently, Lene, and Manise, and Bev, and Angie, and Bams, and Zarzuela, and Squish, and ...)
Here is a tiny little taste... Look, the leaves are finally turning!
In the interest of full disclosure, I took that on new year's day, but we were at the park this weekend and it still looks like that...
Speaking of the park, this is what we were doing there:
Squeak's first (and second) bike rides. Bug loved being able to ride and ride and ride, and I loved that all afternoon he was calm and quiet. :-) It's starting to stay light longer in the evenings, so if I could get my act together we could have bike rides after work/school, too.
And since this is at least nominally a knitting blog, LOOK! I can has projects.
Basic roll brim hat
Can't remember how many stitches I used
I-cord top knot
Lonesome Stone Alpaca Feet in Ol Blue Eyes (bought at Taos HI ANGIE), held double
5mm needles
Basic Ann Bud Mittens
5 st/in, 32 stitches around
Ribbing up to gusset in two strands of purple Reynolds Soft Sea Wool, end of thumb and top of mitten in one strand of Reynolds and one strand of Alpaca Feet.
Next up, starting today if all is well, the scarf he asked for, out of the same two yarns (held singly this time) in a Fibonacci sequence. Cuz Mama, she loves teh maths. (Lest ye worry, after that I'll be knitting a hat and mittens for Squeak. Somewhat large, so as to be useful next year too, as our winter is almost over.
ETA: I have a new comment system. I hope it doesn't suck. I liked Haloscan, but someone bought out the original and made the free service cost, whilst also changing it to suck more. (Sorta like how the TypePad people did recently.) If the new commenting system is awful, I shall try to research better ones. Lemme know. Incidentally, it appears as though you have to be on the post itself, and not the main site, to see the commenting section - there is apparently no button at the bottom of each post from the main site. Strike One.
Here is a tiny little taste... Look, the leaves are finally turning!
In the interest of full disclosure, I took that on new year's day, but we were at the park this weekend and it still looks like that...
Speaking of the park, this is what we were doing there:
Squeak's first (and second) bike rides. Bug loved being able to ride and ride and ride, and I loved that all afternoon he was calm and quiet. :-) It's starting to stay light longer in the evenings, so if I could get my act together we could have bike rides after work/school, too.
And since this is at least nominally a knitting blog, LOOK! I can has projects.
Basic roll brim hat
Can't remember how many stitches I used
I-cord top knot
Lonesome Stone Alpaca Feet in Ol Blue Eyes (bought at Taos HI ANGIE), held double
5mm needles
Basic Ann Bud Mittens
5 st/in, 32 stitches around
Ribbing up to gusset in two strands of purple Reynolds Soft Sea Wool, end of thumb and top of mitten in one strand of Reynolds and one strand of Alpaca Feet.
Next up, starting today if all is well, the scarf he asked for, out of the same two yarns (held singly this time) in a Fibonacci sequence. Cuz Mama, she loves teh maths. (Lest ye worry, after that I'll be knitting a hat and mittens for Squeak. Somewhat large, so as to be useful next year too, as our winter is almost over.
ETA: I have a new comment system. I hope it doesn't suck. I liked Haloscan, but someone bought out the original and made the free service cost, whilst also changing it to suck more. (Sorta like how the TypePad people did recently.) If the new commenting system is awful, I shall try to research better ones. Lemme know. Incidentally, it appears as though you have to be on the post itself, and not the main site, to see the commenting section - there is apparently no button at the bottom of each post from the main site. Strike One.
Friday, January 01, 2010
Monday, December 14, 2009
More Mommy Math
plus 1 year =
Happy Birthday Squeak - here's hoping your second year sucks way less than your first one did.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Thursday again?
It was just Thursday a week ago and now I have to be all thankful and shit again.
- I am thankful that you people cut me slack when I say things like the above sentence.
- I am thankful that I have y'all snowed enough that you think I'm doing well. HHHHHHHAhahahahahahahahaha.
- I am thankful for comment wars, and also that I don't live in Texas.
- I am thankful that I think I will finish the Karmic Yogurt scarf without having to use the part of that skein that has the yogurt on it.
- I am thankful that most people I know have managed jobs or are generating some interest in their resumes.
- I am thankful that my dad does not in fact have breast cancer.
- I am thankful that Cookie lets me hassle her into posting and I live to tell about it (so far).
- I am thankful that y'all knit a lot faster than I do or we'd all be freezing right now.
- I am thankful that I don't have to type "I am thankful" anymore cuz I'm doing dinner at my house for my family next week and I'm SO not going to have time to blog.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Um, I have a blog?
Wow. And I still remember the password. Something to be thankful for on this Thursday.
So, I felt all sorts of guilt last week for not participating, but I think that wasn't the intention so I got over my residual guilt. Here are a few things I am thankful for today:
So, I felt all sorts of guilt last week for not participating, but I think that wasn't the intention so I got over my residual guilt. Here are a few things I am thankful for today:
- My daycare. They took extra care with Bug during the last months, gave me discounts when they knew we were unemployed, and really actively care about my kids.
- Red scarves, IBOL, Claudia's fundraisers, Knitters without Borders, and the fact that I recognize that I can always do a little something, even if it isn't terribly dramatic to me, that might help ease someone else's burdens.
- The friends, both online and real life, who listen even though they've heard it all before and OMGIsSheCryingAGAIN?, but don't let on, and who tell me it's okay to be sad when it is, or to suck it up and stop going there when it isn't. (Hey English majors, diagram THAT sentence!)
- The fact that my cousin offered (and happily agreed when I accepted) to come down from Phoenix for the day and clean out my bedroom of Rick's things so I didn't have to stand there sobbing for hours over every pair of ratty shorts or holey socks.
- The fact that I had almost ten years with an amazing man who gave me two beautiful sons and two amazing stepdaughters, plus a second father, two more sisters, a bushel of aunts and uncles and friends and countless life experiences I'd never have had the guts to try on my own.
- That my knitting, which is at root a solitary activity, has such a great community with it.
- That Marisa knows how to knit spiders.
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