Strickerin: Hurdles

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Hurdles

Are falling, one by one. I got the call tonight that the place I liked best last weekend has accepted my application, and I'll be meeting the landlord to sign the lease on Sunday.
Google Maps has this nifty application where you first search for a path or a location, and then, if you enter a business type in the search box, it finds all businesses of that type in the zoom-range of the map. I entered the address for my new place and my new job, then searched daycares, and found a list along any number of routes I can take. This Saturday I will be checking them out and finding the appropriate spot for my little princes. Besides my beautiful friends, the boys' daycare will be the hardest thing to leave in Tucson.
Today has been a crappy night, with the Bug acting weird and saying unusual things, the Smacky having a crappy fever, and my stomach in knots worrying about this move. I am excited, thrilled, looking forward to it, and terrified to step out of the cocoon that has been my comfort zone for 10 years. How do you explain to someone who hasn't experienced it, that sometimes you just need to cry out the toxic feelings? And how do you get the tears to come when they've been locked up for so long so they don't freak out your babies? I'd feel much better if I could remember where my copy of Steel Magnolias is.
(Incidentally, this is not me being maudlin or wanting you to comfort me. This is just a straight up report. My emotions have filled me to the brim and they need to spill out my eyes. No worries about me, really.)

***********

I have had this song stuck in my head all day.

And I'm glad the light still hits your face
And I'm glad every time you answer the phone.
For you, life and home have never been an easy place,
But I'm glad to be part of your own.

Sung by John Gorka; I'm sure you've never of him. I'm not entirely sure how *I* got one of his CDs, but I like it. This particular song is for his mother, and it has this air of melancholy about it that strikes me today. Beautiful, content, but a little sad. I think that's where I am today. Content with the choices I'm making, happy to be moving in the direction I've chosen with the people I've chosen, but still, a little sad. A huge chapter in my life is closing soon, and I would be a big ol' liar if I said it didn't sting a bit.
Fortunately I am close to The Fiber Factory so I know Lynn will be visiting...

Comments (18)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

0 Vote up Vote down

Marilyn · 774 weeks ago

Bittersweet is what you are maybe feeling? And yeah, a good cry is so good at cleansing the spirit. Just remember Sally Field's anguish and Olympia telling her to slug Shirley MacLaine. You'll get a cry and a laugh!

Best of luck finding the right daycare!
xo

0 Vote up Vote down

Cheryl S. · 774 weeks ago

Wait till the boys are sleeping, and then go ahead and cry your eyes out. It will be good to let all of those emotions come tumbling out. And remember, all those old friends will only be 2 hours away.

0 Vote up Vote down

Blogless Lynn · 774 weeks ago

Dude. I've totally heard of John Gorka.

Go with grace, baby, but know you'll be missed.

0 Vote up Vote down

Carole · 773 weeks ago

Change is hard and you are leaving behind a pretty major part of your life. It's bound to be bittersweet.

0 Vote up Vote down

Nora · 773 weeks ago

I totally get that, and I hope you got the chance to get it out. One day at a time. Or maybe just one thing on the list at a time.

0 Vote up Vote down

Anne · 773 weeks ago

Steel Magnolias. Does it every time. I think I start to cry earlier in the movie every viewing. Moving in and of itself is stressful and cry-it-out worthy without all the other emotions factored in. And given that things are moving forward easily and without resistance, this is what is supposed to happen. I know the right daycare will fall into your lap! Big hugs and slug Weesa for me! (God I love Steel Magnolias!)

0 Vote up Vote down

Manise · 773 weeks ago

Congrats on the new digs. That's a lot of change you've been through in the last year and moving on certainly has a bittersweetness to it. Worry and angst are inevitable feelings as you leave your comfort zone and a place you've called home for so long. Hoping you find your Steel Magnolias and can have that good cry.

0 Vote up Vote down

Squish · 773 weeks ago

I love you. I get it. You'll get no pity here, but an ear to listen and shoulder and an OCD organizer iffen you need.

But biatch... the song? Did you have to have me crying before I finished a cup of coffee? Geeeez.

0 Vote up Vote down

Beverly · 773 weeks ago

Trust me! I totally understand where you are coming from. Crank up the tunes, go in the shower and let the tears flow... it helped me. Times may be tough now, but the benefits of it all once you are done will be well worth it. Look ahead to your goals. If you need anything, let me know.

XOXOXO

0 Vote up Vote down

barb · 773 weeks ago

So many milestones passed and on to new ones. Gorka is one of those NPR kind of artists...Music soothes the soul. Let the water flow!

0 Vote up Vote down

Diane · 773 weeks ago

I never cry when Julia Roberts dies; well, OK, maybe a little; but the slugging Weesa part gets me every time. Now I must go check out John Gorka. Keep in touch and let us know how the move goes.

Change is exciting, isn't it?

0 Vote up Vote down

Cookie · 773 weeks ago

I am so proud of you. This is not an easy road for you but you're still doing it and making it look good.

Did you find it? Should I send you a copy?

Oh, and well done on making our Squish cry. ;^)

xo

0 Vote up Vote down

Lene · 773 weeks ago

For every end there's a beginning and for every beginning. there's an end. It's hard to say goodbye, even if you're looking forward to the new adventure.

You're a brave woman for striking out like this.

0 Vote up Vote down

anne marie in philly · 773 weeks ago

you are in mourning...mourning the life you had, and perhaps a bit scared of what the future will bring.

have a good cry after the boys have gone to bed...and have a glass or two of wine/beer/booze. just remember: YOU ARE STRONG...YOU CAN DO THIS...YOU ARE SPECIAL! :-)

0 Vote up Vote down

gayle · 773 weeks ago

Even good change is scary. A good weep will wash away old feelings and leave you open to the adventure.
Spread your wings and fly, my dear.

0 Vote up Vote down

LynnM · 773 weeks ago

As for songs (you may be a little too young for this) Billy Joel's "Say Goodbye To Hollywood" always hits me at transition times: "Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again." I make no apologies--I like and always have liked Billy Joel.

Good luck with all that's going on right now. Crying is one way of dealing with stress, so is acting weird and saying unusual things. Not so sure about a crappy fever. We moved when Ems was 3months, 3 years and 6years and it weren't no picnic, part of the reason that when I got divorced I wanted to avoid it for at least a little while. I've been here over ten years, just like you, so know how much crap can accumulate in that time. Stay well.

0 Vote up Vote down

Carrie K · 773 weeks ago

Never heard of him but that's happening more and more frequently.

I can see where you'd be both sad and happy. Life. It's really nothing like you think it's going to be, is it?

Hope Smacky's fever goes away soon.

0 Vote up Vote down

Angie · 772 weeks ago

Goodness, I'm late. Transitions are weepy times and I hope your tears came and went all ready. I hope you all are feeling good and the new place is embracing you.

Post a new comment

Comment as a Guest, or login:

Tweet this comment

Connected as (Logout)

Email (optional)

Not displayed publicly.

Submit Comment

Subscribe to

Comments by IntenseDebate

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)